Beyond Avoidance.

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

There are so many things I feel I "should" have done this year. I'm the queen of "should haves" and the downright empress of avoidance. "Should" is part of what got me into the emotional crisis I ended up in at the beginning of the year. However, that doesn't excuse me from any and all self-discipline.

Because my focus is self-care, the number-one thing to care for myself that I should have done this year was to care for my physical well-being. In short, I sacrificed the physical and focused all of my energy on the mental. I gave in to binge eating and consuming mountains of sweets and junk food to give myself some sense of calm and peace. It was the easy thing to do, although the good feeling was always short lived, and the results were quite detrimental. I'll come out and say it: I've gained 100 pounds in the past two years. I know this is dangerous, I know it's terrible. I know it's scary. It's funny how we rationalize things, though.

I know that healthy eating and exercise contribute to sound mental health. I've lost weight in the past and used to be a faithful walker. Through 2010, it just became an unbearable wall for me to climb over. The idea of taking a walk was anxiety provoking, for a number of reasons, most of which are embarrassing to admit.

Taking control of my physical health would be another step toward reclaiming myself. Walking or exercising on my own would give me something to do separate from my girlfriend, to help me have a separate identity, to have some space from her. I know these things, but I still haven't reached the breaking point where I take the obvious action. That is what needs to happen in 2011. I've avoided long enough.