Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)The big healing moment I had this year was coming out to my mother and sister. I have only really accepted my sexuality for what it was within the past year or so myself. Before that, I sort of shrugged off being attracted to girls as just a "thing" - not a way to fully identify myself. I don't know why I fought that truth for so long, but I just kept it inside me and lived my life inside my apartment, and another life outside.
That changed when I wanted to finally introduce my girlfriend to my family. We've been together for three years, and up until then she'd been my "friend" or my "roommate" or some other euphemism. I wanted to fully embrace being in love, and to call it what I felt in my heart it was. That involved explaining to my mother that I liked girls and guys both; that meant accepting that fact for myself. I'm pansexual. And right now, I'm in love with a woman - a woman I'd like to be able to marry and spend the rest of my life with one day.
Neither my mother nor my sister were surprised, which was both a relief and amusing in hindsight. They love my girlfriend and she gets along with them beautifully. Being able to share that part of my life with my family took so much weight from my soldiers, and it helped me feel that much more whole. It was a huge step in defining myself, as I talked about in the "Try" post. I'd like to eventually be able to be completely honest about my relationship in my whole life, but it's not as easy when it comes to my work situation. Or, maybe I'm just not that brave yet. Or I haven't healed enough. I'm looking forward to embracing my sexuality in 2011 and continuing that healing.
I keep trying to think of ways to say, "That's really brave!" without it coming off as condescending, because that's not how I mean it at all! It IS brave, coming out, I know that for a fact, too. I'm glad your family are supportive, and I'm glad that you will be able to fully enjoy your relationship in the open now.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't sweat the work thing. Your work colleagues, unless they're also your friends, don't need to know about your sexuality. I came out in my last job, and it didn't matter to the people who WERE my friends, but it made my boss uncomfortable, for some reason.
Anyway, a little belatedly, but happy new year!
(Hi! I'm both @speschul and @iknowitsforreal on Twitter, and http://www.fatgirlslim.org and http://fatshion.spilled-inc.net on the web :) AKA Tracy)